How I’ve Evaded Mock Arrest

Disclaimer: One should never evade arrest.

Also, in your eating disorder programs, I hope you comply with treatment and aren’t the bad ass I’ve been. 😦 I am NOT pro-ana. I am a reformed anorexic 🙂

K, so I’ve written about this before. I’ve also said I would come back to it then didn’t lol!

In the news, police are criticized in some neverending ways and one of those ways has been, of course, how roughly a “little girl” has been “handled.” Little girl = someone of my stature, slight body build, who doesn’t weigh much.

I’ve watched video of ladies doing the matrix over railings while police struggle to get cuffs on this “little girl.”

So this article will be about how us, little girls can do that shit (AND most importantly, what you can incorporate into your training to catch the wiry ones). One of my favorite games has been/is “catch me if you can, police!”

First, my background:

  1. Gymnastics
  2. Dance
  3. Anorexia nervosa (Why does this matter? I’ll get to that.)

What goes through MY mind (& those of all small girls):

  1. You big. Me small. Sometimes I look at men, and think, “how the HELL did you get to be SO BIG.” And: “What do you DO WITH ALL THAT?” I mean, that’s a LOT of mass. Then for a cop, you add on all that equipment… (My thoughts next are: If he’s strong and catches me, I’m done… If he’s not loose like I am, I might have something.)
  2.  I think: He benches more than my weight. Easily. If I’m picked up and put into the air, I’m done.

So when locked up for anorexia, and it was time to be tube fed… I knew eventually I would be tube-fed. These were locked wards. But I thought, why not get a workout in first? Burn lots of calories before they put more in?

Obviously, you’ve put together already that to be able to put up a struggle, I wasn’t starving to death in those moments. And was actually quite strong (which is why I think that using my story here is good because you’re going to encounter more often someone who eats than a person who doesn’t eat). I had a contract weight and would miss weight… and if I didn’t do what I was supposed to do (consume additional calories), I would get tube fed.

I’d give staff a super difficult time. There would be 6 of them trying to catch my (super bad) ass. On a locked ward. (Imagine an open space ;). Once they did catch me, they had enormous difficulty restraining me, getting my legs pinned down. And God forbid, there was something for me to ricochet off of (including their own bodies). AND I could keep going. I watched them wiping their brows, trying to catch their breath, and hear other patients yelling: “She’s JUST a little girl!”

Now, it’s true. I’m kinda like a little dog with big dog attitude. I’m a big dog…until I meet up with actual big dogs, then I’m like SHIT. I’m very aware of my size with people describing me as “petite,” and “slight” all the time. But the struggle is a bit exciting to me and I’m going to plug into that and get ready…

How I’ve evaded tube-feedings for awhile (anyway) & mock arrests:

  1. Barre. It’s true that your average crim is spending way more time at the bar than the barre but I’ve got to tell you and laugh all you want at ballet exercises…If I want to get super strong, improve balance….barre it is. Get bendy!
  2. Get fast. Your average foot pursuit is what, 2 minutes? Yeah, got that. Because I do HIIT.
  3. Isometrics. (Some here on this at this blog, more coming!) There’s a lot to be said about this. On eating disorder floors, they do 15-minute (or so) checks to make sure you aren’t sneaking exercise. Can’t get caught doing isometrics. Well, I gained strength by doing isometrics… 
  4. Train barefoot. At least some of the time….does wonders for your feet…Your feet begin to move how they SHOULD be moving and naturally become stronger.
  5. Be strong. Be able to bench. You have to be able to catch a bendy girl quick.
  6. Plyometrics. I love nothing more in life than to jump squat. Jumps. Fly over my bench (bench hops). Squat over balance trainer then fling myself into the air and squat on the other side and back again…
  7. Become a little apparatus-friendly. Become so familiar with your body that flying over some playground equipment isn’t freaky. Set up obstacle courses. Get used to traveling from this piece of equipment to another. This teaches you body awareness. Trust. Confidence.

OBVIOUSLY, someone like me has no life and only spends their time in a gym and at the grocery store…BUT just some suggestions when you’ve got the extra wiry, bendy crim because you do/will encounter them. And anyway, this training that I’m speaking of will help you in ANY situation.

MUCH more coming! 😉

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