You’re Anorexic?! & You Exercise This Much?!

This is one of those discussions that could go into a million directions. This is going to be quick, though.

I’m no longer but have been, a compulsive exerciser.

I truly enjoy working out, and it’s my career. And police fitness, well, that shit has to be extreme. We’re talking SuperHero level. There’s just no other way.

There was a time when I did the 700 abs without stopping, probably accomplishing absolutely nothing. And working out despite injury or illness. And while there’s some of that sometimes (with slight injury), I no longer fit into the category of a “compulsive exerciser.” Mainly, because I eat an incredible amount of food. And I do other things too, like watch a show on the net lol. I have “lazy” times! Yay!

While I’m a small person… I’m described in-person as “rugged,” with jokes made about my thighs (22″ a piece) that I could be a linebacker or “move a linebacker,” as well move a fridge. (Which is not triggering, whatsoever 🙂 )

Coming back from severe c-spine injury which ended my dance career…I was told by the doctor (upon approval to return to heavy training gradually) that he could roll me into a ball, toss me into a wall and I’d “be fine.” I replied, “well, we should really DO IT THEN with the radiology equipment around the corner!” His reply: “Get out of here, you nut!” 😉

And again, while a small person, some of the guys I train say how they wouldn’t mess with me. I laugh and ask why they say that. They’ve replied, “It’s in your walk, girl. Those gymnast thighs.”

I’m just a dainty girl in disguise 😉

warm

I’ve always worked out intensely…it’s pretty much the only way I know LOL. Nowadays, I couldn’t work out without proper nutrition because it doesn’t feel “right.” That’s due to therapy…I buy my exercise with nutrition. And at the end of a day, I look forward to a real feast. 🙂 Sometimes in my bed! (Always what I dreamt about while starving myself.)

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2 thoughts on “You’re Anorexic?! & You Exercise This Much?!

  1. Hi! 🙂

    There’s always been a part of me that really loved exercise, but with compulsive, as you know I’m sure, there’s a love/hate relationship with exercise. I wanted to do what I had to in order to JUST love it.

    Also, the body acceptance part. Even though anorexia isn’t about what we look like, I tried (maybe you do?) to control everything else in my life through that. Make things simple. The compulsive exercising was about being as tiny as possible, about “barely being here.”

    With exercise AND eating (a lot lol), instead, I turned my focus to being strong, healthy which meant being well-fed. And accepted my body was going to do what it was going to do. Big calves. I started to love feeling fed…which I think takes time. I look forward to a big meal now after a big workout lol.

    I told myself constantly that I was doing serious destruction exercising without eating properly. (It’s true, we are) Now it would just seem….cold and ick. One day, it just clicked lol….”what the HELL am I doing?” Exercising like crazy AND not eating, WHO does this?? lol

    I still get the anxiety control from working out. Actually works much more effectively with food. While I enjoy working out, I enjoy lazy times too. It’s a nice balance, I didn’t have that before.

    I hope this helps :S …I think the thing that went through my mind most was “strong strong strong” and how cold I always was as a relapsing anorexic….it’s that kind of cold most will just never know. I wanted to feel genuinely powerful.

    A bit achy right now though LOL.
    Hugs!

    Like

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