Or recovery with anything. But the only thing that I know about is anorexia….
I think it’s about defining, reminding ourselves of who we are. And well, that’s something we can do almost daily. It’s a part of what we will do with our day.
Right now, I’m telling myself:
It’s your job to kick ass and show others how to kick ass and I have to be strong to be able to do that.
Again, that “be a role model”-shit, unfortunately, doesn’t work for me.
I’m never going to portray myself as someone who always has it all 100% together. That’s what got me stuck in the hell that is anorexia in the first place.
I’ll never portray myself as someone who always has it together because no one ever does and I want for people to be able to approach me with their fears and insecurities.
I’m never going to portray myself as someone who always has it together because I’m not gonna lie.
So today I tell myself:
The gym is Home.
The gym is my heart and soul.
The gym is my church.
It became my safe place as a little kid who was allergic to everything. It became the place where this moderate to severe asthmatic could thrive.
When I walk into a gym…pressure leaves me. And I can only stay and excel in the gym with fuel… This is what I’m telling myself.
I couldn’t use exercise for recovery ….. I now can. So at least there’s that. That’s part of the “riddle.”
If I hear: “You’re an athlete. You are to excel athletically….achieve more ….” Well… I eat. Even if I’m struggling and I am. And I eat until I’m struggling …. less.